well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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