Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
