My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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