im drinking this country out of the recession.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
