Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
