How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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