Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
and she was petting her beer can
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
