fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
