My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
