You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We are all done wearing pants today
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
