I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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