This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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