I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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