But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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