i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
