the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I think my fart just growled at me.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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