I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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