That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
