: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
