She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
barbara walters just said penis...
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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