one two three fourrrrnication!
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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