Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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