I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
