do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
