just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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