i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
