So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
