I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
