absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
