She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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