you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
