I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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