I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
