Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
