Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
