maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
