I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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