You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
