Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
