I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
