Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
