Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
