If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
