i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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