i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize
