I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
