as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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