no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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