just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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