btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
