i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
