My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
