Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
