I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
