yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
