Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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